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I just got pushed. Hard. I then asked nicely for what I needed and got shot down. I asked again. Received an incredibly loud but silent response. And then, because what I was requesting was essential to me and my well-being, I walked away. And yes, I was angry and spent, but it suddenly dawned on me that I had done a good job of standing my ground.
Usually I attempt to avoid confrontation and “make nice,” even when people are walking all over me. Maybe it’s the wisdom gained from getting older, or just a significant hormonal imbalance J, but lately I’m finding that I need to defend myself and sometimes others when lines in the sand are drawn.
I’m not talking about launching a world war because I didn’t get what I wanted for dinner. I’m talking about standing my ground when the issues are really important—when boundaries are crossed or someone is taking unfair advantage of me or anyone else I care to go to bat for.
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You might ask why it matters in the big picture. It matters because standing your ground keeps your integrity intact. It matters because it shows you give a damn about yourself and others. It matters because it keeps you from feeling like a victim.
Are there consequences? Heck, yes. I lost some much needed income. I will likely have to tap dance to get paid for the work I’ve already done. My blood pressure went up considerably, and I’m still agitated.
But I feel empowered and whole. And that feels good. That’s worth standing my ground.
Are there situations in your life right now where you need to stand your ground?
As always, I’d love to hear your comments. And thank you for reading!
Marianne M. Smith
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time
http://writerattheranch.com
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time
http://writerattheranch.com
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com
In my life's adventure I found that at first I couldn't stand my ground unless I first became incredibly angry. Then over time I learned to "pick my fights", but eventually I found a more comfortable ground where I just casually ask for what I want / need without feeling a lot of strong emotions. At the same time I find that I don't really care deeply one way or the other in certain situations.
ReplyDeleteI still don't always ask for what I want, but I almost always ask for what I need. It's hard at the outset, but with practice it becomes no big deal.
That said, this particular situation of yours may have cost in terms of money and a business relationship and that's so much more complex...
It does get complicated, Russell, and I know what you mean about choosing your battles. And it definitely helps a lot if you can ask for what you need without getting too emotionally invested. Of course, that's the difficult part :)
DeleteIf you tend to be a peacemaker of sorts, holding it in for too long can burst the dam. That happened to me at one job I had where the supervisor spoke one set of rules and lived another-right in front of all of the employees. And, as such hypocritical people tend to do, she kept her eagle eye pinned on all of us, just to catch us at the exact moment we broke "her rules". One day I had just enough. When she began to jump on me about something she did not like (sitting on the edge of the counter-exactly where she was presently perched), I jumped right back. Of course, at the time, it was probably more like a polite, loud whisper, rather than cussing or yelling, but the point being, I stood my ground, pointed out that she was doing the same thing she got on to us for doing and that she should let us do the job we were trained to do without interfering! It was so freeing! She never challenged me again after that day. I believe in some sick way, I actually earned her respect. Sad, isn't it?
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