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| Worthless Bug--photo courtesy of Caryn Hjelmstad |
I come from a long line of Cicada-haters. That’s probably why I can safely say that I’m not eating one even if it’s dipped in chocolate—no matter what The Food Network suggests!
Just in case you haven’t a clue about the 13-year invasion of these bugs in the south, cicadas are the most worthless bugs on the planet. Their only redeeming quality is when they decompose. Some bug nerd at Penn State calls them “spectacular insects,” but I’m questioning his sanity. How do you become a bug nerd, anyway? Buggy parents?
He also calls them “gregarious.” Is that because you can’t go outdoors right now without one adhering to your face? I call that extremely annoying.
Brood XIX (what the current population is called) has pushed me to my limits. I can’t sit outside on my porch due to the extremely high frequency noise they make. The bug nerds say it is a mating call, but to me it sounds like they are planning a frickin’ orgy. What kind of bugs lay 400 to 600 eggs at a time, anyway? Bugs that are red-eyed ugly, loud, frightening, nasty and worthless—that’s what kind!
They cause damage to trees and if your dogs eat too many exoskeletons they require emergency vet care. Only crows can safely eat cicadas (if you don’t count the crazies at The Food Network), and who needs more crows?
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| Worthless Bugs on Tree--photo courtesy of Caryn Hjelmstad |
June 5th cannot come soon enough. That’s when the current crop should go back underground for thirteen more years. I’m proclaiming June 5th “Ding Dong The Cicadas Are Dead Day,” or DDTCADD for short. The Food Network has a cicada cocktail, but I’m sticking to box wine, or perhaps several margaritas. Or, I’ll buy you a few beers. But I’m not eating anything since all the cicada recipes have definitely tanked my appetite.
Did I mention that another Brood (Brood XXIII) is coming in 2015? I briefly considered moving north, but they have 17 year cicadas, and with my luck there might be some overlap. If you don’t see me, I’ll be out after June 5th. Meanwhile, be careful out there!
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| Worthless Bugs Lounging--photo courtesy of Caryn Hjelmstad |
And if you’d like to chime in with some cicada hate, I’d love to hear it! Please feel free to leave a nasty comment.
Marianne Smith
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time
http://writerattheranch.com
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time
http://writerattheranch.com
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com
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