This week one of our dearest friends dropped dead. The phone call with the news stunned me. To compound matters, several other good friends have lost loved ones lately; one lost his Dad, one her sweet Mom-In-Law (in addition to having her job of 22 years eliminated the day before), and another lost her brother (who was my teacher). And yet another lost her nineteen year-old son.
I’ve been doing a dance with anguish and anger, and I don’t like it one bit. And yeah, I know that anger is a natural and maybe even necessary reaction to these circumstances, but I am exhausted from being angry.
I’m no stranger to loss. I lost my extraordinary Mother way too early, and my Dad long before he died. My husband’s parents are also both gone, and we went through his Dad’s death together.
So I’m not really sure where my anguish and my anger are coming from. Sure I realize that a long life is not a given, and I’m grateful that our good friend didn’t suffer. But still I alternate between being profoundly sad and profoundly pissed off.
Since I have a fairly substantial psych background, you’d think I’d be better equipped to cope.
Last night my husband said that he wished he could have just one more conversation with our good friend. I feel the same way. I think our friend knew how we felt about him, but I wish I could be damn sure.
Life is short. Friends are precious. I’m planning to do a better job of making sure my friends know just how much they mean to me.
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| In Memory of Harold Walker |
Marianne M. Smith
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time
http://writerattheranch.com
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com
I'm deeply sorry for your loss. No matter what your background is, nothing can prepare you for losing ones that you love. I personally don't deal with death very well. Maybe it comes from a feeling of ownership of someone, as if we are entitled to a certain amount of their lives and when it doesn't turn out like we hoped, we don't know how to react. That's not to say we are wrong for that though. Sometimes it is just time to grieve. There is only one Great Comforter I know.One that doesn't get enough credit for listening to our cries when we feel we are unable to ever be heard. I am praying for you guys! Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
ReplyDeleteThanks, nsmith! :) I think I know what you mean about the entitlement. There is a certain expectation that everyone will get their 80 years or so. Of course, life doesn't always work out that way. Seems harder when there is unfinished business--things you never got around to saying. That's what I'm really trying to work on now: Making sure all the important people in my life know how much they mean to me. Thanks again for your sweet comments!
ReplyDeleteI suppose there will probably never be "finished" business. We all expect that we will see each other another day. I think we could all work on letting everyone know what they mean to us. No problem!
ReplyDeleteWell put Marianne. I am embracing your last thought - I lost my dad last week. Life is short and I need to do a better job of treating the special people in my life with care they deserve. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts so articulately.
ReplyDeleteMPK: I'm so very sorry to hear about your Dad. Hugs, m
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