Writer At The Ranch: Hearing Weirdness

Image: Jeroen van Oostrom / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My new hair stylist told me this story while trimming my hair:

This lady calls to check on her appointment. At least, I thought it was a lady. I have trouble on the phone, but I thought she said her name was Jamal Searcy. I kept searching the book, but couldn’t find anyone with this name. I repeated her name several times to be sure I had it right, and she kept saying Jamal Searcy. Finally I decided it was the owner’s husband, who likes to place prank calls. So I gave the phone to her and rolled my eyes.

Later I found out the lady really WAS a customer who was asking: Is tomorrow Thursday? Do you know how many weird conversations I get into because I can’t hear well on cell phones?

Ah, I do indeed! My hub and I often have totally bizarre and nonsensical conversations because neither of us hears well anymore. In hindsight, I’m wondering how many disagreements over the years were the result of lame ears? We have named this plight Hearing Weirdness.

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

And to make matters worse, we have similar vision issues because we can no longer see without readers (that never seem to be within reach). No matter how many pair we have, we can’t ever seem to find them. Part of the problem, of course, is finding them without being able to see.

Image: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

We are fifty-ish, not eighty-ish, so I’m wondering how much worse it will get. I do a lot of lip-reading, but when we watch bad TV we sit side by side and I’m unable to employ my special powers. That’s when the conversations get startlingly strange. We’ll start talking and then one of us will look at the other with a “what the hell did you just say” look, and we crack up. If we’re lucky, we’ll get it figured out on the second or even third try.

Maybe that’s why I’m writing more now—less chance to be totally misunderstood. Or so I hope!

Have you had any weird conversations lately? I’d love to hear about them—if only I could. Please share!