Half a Cake

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I was raised by semi-gracious Southerners, and I like to think my manners are decent.  So I was surprised when my even-tempered husband flew off the handle:  “Half a cake?  You can’t be serious!  You can’t take someone half a cake!”

“What?” I said.  “Of course you can.  Everyone is happy to get cake.  I’d be happy with a piece, or even a bite!  And besides, it has chocolate icing.”  But he remained incredulous.

I had innocently proposed taking our new neighbors half a cake that I’d just baked.  But somehow my Yankee husband, who is not even obliged to have good manners, found this to be totally unacceptable.  The way he carried on, you’d think I was taking them a sack of poop.

So I asked him if he’d be offended if someone brought him half a cake.  He said he was quite certain that he’d be highly offended, even though he loves cake.

His thinking:
Receiving half a cake would send anyone spiraling into a low self-esteem abyss.  It would make anyone question why they weren’t good enough to receive a whole cake.  It would also make you wonder who ate the other half.

My thinking:
Someone thought enough of me to bring me cake!  How much cake is totally irrelevant.  I love people who bring cake; I’m easy that way.

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So I have to ask you, my friends:  Is receiving half a cake offensive to you?  I know it’s a glass half full/glass half empty kind of proposition, but I’d really like for you to settle this argument once and for all.  Please leave a comment and let us know what you think.  And if you want to, just drop off half a cake!

Marianne M. Smith
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time

http://writerattheranch.com
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com

The Transparency Conundrum

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In these days of rampant oversharing online, it’s sometimes tempting to conceal (or at least not expose) your personal beliefs.

As a freelancer, I try not to alienate my audience, which is quite diverse.  At the same time, sometimes it is difficult to wade through Facebook, blog or Twitter posts without expressing an individual opinion.  So far at least, I have mostly avoided “liking” or “disliking” any post having to do with politics or religion.  Right now that seems like a pretty big avoidance curve, and it’s frustrating to practice.

But as a person who holds both spiritual and political beliefs close to my chest, being transparent could also be considered a push and a chore, and maybe even a violation of my personal code.  At the same time, I don’t want to be perceived as someone in the middle of the road who is afraid to make a stand.

There are some who say that being transparent is the only way to live; Jeff Jarvis has many interesting thoughts on this topic.  Yet there are dangers, too.  Putting yourself out there opens you up to all kinds of criticism.  It can alienate the people you seek to attract and connect with, and can even limit job options.  And sharing too much can, of course, make you look like you lack tact and good sense.

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Then again, there are those who believe that if you are authentic and forthcoming, you will attract like-minded people and be a more genuine human being.  You will draw people who support your beliefs and welcome your candor.  Perhaps you could even say that you are on a path to fulfill your personal mission.

But more and more, I still find myself wondering whether it’s more uncomfortable to share or not to share.

I’m still sorting all this out for myself, and would love to hear your thoughts on how you handle these issues.  Please feel free to leave a comment or send me an email, depending on your sharing comfort level.  And thank you for reading!

Marianne M. Smith
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time

http://writerattheranch.com
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com

Swimming with Alligators

Photo from floridastateparks.org/wakullasprings/photogallery.cfm

My husband was recently on an extended business trip in Tallahassee, Florida.  He decided to do a little exploring on the weekend and ended up at Wakulla Springs State Park.  While wandering, he heard a lot of screaming.  Turned out to be swimmers warning other swimmers about alligators in the water.  In fact, these swimmers were in the designated swimming area that has swimming platforms just in case alligators are sighted.

I was shocked and confused when I heard this; why would anyone swim with alligators on purpose?  Maybe it’s just a Florida thing, but I viewed it as an unnecessary risk.  The official state park website suggests that the platforms, located near the spring basin, are for “observation and dining.”  But from what my husband heard, alligators are common in the area and the platforms are there so you can get the heck out of the water.

This little vignette set me off on a bonafide thinking circus.  Why do we assume some risks are fine and others aren’t?  Why are we sometimes willing to take risks that don’t make any sense to others?  Are there risks that simply aren’t worth taking?

Maybe I’ve just gotten older, but I’ve discovered that I’m not as willing to take unnecessary risks.  And I’m probably more spontaneous and impulsive than most.  But l’ve found that slowing down and trying hard to be patient eliminates most of the unnecessary risk-taking in my life.

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I’m not talking about always playing it safe and walking the straight and narrow.  But to swim with alligators, just because?  There were plenty of other beautiful vantage points to appreciate the view.

I’m trying to learn not to be reckless just because I can be.  I’m trying to learn that proper planning and patience are necessary before undertaking great risks.  Hope I don’t sound like a grumpy old killjoy, but for me these life lessons seem to be an important part of what I’m learning as I age in this uncertain time.

Am I suggesting that you never do anything wild and crazy?  Certainly not; and if you know me well you’re already smiling.  But if you’re going to swim with alligators, make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons.

Thanks for reading!  As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts about what I’ve written.  Feel free to leave a comment or send me an email.

Marianne M. Smith
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time

http://writerattheranch.com
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com

Unlikely Conversations

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A woman collapsed next to me in the airport.  She was sobbing so hard that she could no longer breathe or stand.  I thought she was going to hit the floor.

I grabbed her from behind by the elbows, and said something like: “Please, let me help you!”  Suddenly, her whole demeanor changed.  She looked embarrassed, tried to control her tears, and looked grateful all at the same time.

Once she recovered a bit, I suggested we go and grab a bite to eat.  I had a substantial layover, I told her, and could use some company.  She explained that she had already eaten, but would be happy to keep me company.

We began a very unlikely conversation.  I unwittingly became the woman’s confessor.  She had just watched her husband board a plane.  They were trying hard to conceive a child, without any success.  She was ovulating, and now he was out of town for an extended period of time.  She felt inadequate, overwhelmed, and like a complete failure as a woman.

She told me that she did not feel comfortable discussing this with friends or family.  But somehow she could talk to me—a complete stranger who she would, most likely, never see again.  I understood this, as I once met a woman on the beach who I shared my own secrets with.

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Isn’t it interesting that we sometimes feel safer sharing secrets with strangers than we do with friends or family?  I suppose there is a presumed safety in anonymity, and perhaps a perception of less judgment.  Maybe there is less fabric to unravel.  Makes me wonder if we should reconsider who are best confessors are.

Have you ever had an experience like this?  If you’re comfortable sharing it, I’d love to hear about it.  Feel free to leave a comment or send me an email.

Marianne M. Smith
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time

http://writerattheranch.com
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com

Creating an Intentional Life

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Lately I’ve been considering how to do more of the things that seem important to me during the course of a day.  It seems to come down to establishing habits.  And we’ve all heard that it takes 28 days to make a habit.  So I am beginning with a month timeframe, more or less, and seeing if I can set good habits into play.

Habits in and of themselves are not very exciting material.  I’ve started flossing daily, for example.   Why should you care or read further, I hear you asking.  Her blog has degenerated into flossing, for goodness sake!  But bear with me.  I read that flossing was the best single thing you can do to improve your health.  So what the heck.  It’s relatively easy and something I could commit to doing daily.  I’m creating an intentionally healthy life.

I’m also beginning to meditate again.  I’m creating an intentionally spiritual and calmer life.  And since I feel like I haven’t done a good job at staying in touch with friends, I’ve committed to contact at least one friend everyday.  I’m creating a more socially connected life.

I’m reading before going to bed, which also gets me into bed earlier since I love to read.  I’m creating a fuller and richer life by exploring new topics, and getting more rest at the same time.

Habits are not as intimidating as major goal setting. After all, it’s just a daily habit.  Cultivating more friends seems overwhelming as a goal, but contacting one friend a day is very doable.  Break big goals down into smaller chunks:  Learning to play guitar is a goal fraught with peril, but practicing for ten minutes a day is something to look forward to.

Once established, a habit comes naturally.  It is just a part of your daily or weekly routine.

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Habits are commitments you make with yourself.  They help you achieve the type of life you are seeking.

What is important enough to do everyday?  You are creating an intentional life.  As your good habits increase, there may be less time for your bad ones.  At least, that’s what I’m finding.

And you may miss a habit appointment here or there when life gets complicated. But that’s ok. More often than not still counts when you are creating an intentional life.

What habits are you thinking about cultivating?  If you’d like to share, I’d love to hear from you.  Feel free to shoot me an email or leave a comment.

Marianne M. Smith
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time

http://writerattheranch.com
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com

The Treacherous Middle

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This week several things in my life shifted for the better.  It seemed sudden, and I was almost giddy.  But when I spent some time reflecting, I realized that all my recent struggles with “doing the work” probably brought the shifts about.  Oh yeah, and did I mention some divine intervention?

For what seems like a very long time I have felt stuck, and unable to move forward.  I’ve been in a dry spell for so long that sometimes it seems like a permanent state.  When I’m in this kind of tunnel, I lose sight of all the wonderful places I’m heading.  “The work” becomes drudgery with no tangible results.  It’s hard to keep the faith when I’m in the middle of the journey.

I’m often beyond excited when embarking on a new adventure; beginnings are exhilarating!  And when the adventure is successful, the joy is its own reward; endings bring satisfaction and a sense of completion.  But that middle part, that’s where all the trials and tests of faith live.  That’s where you’re doing the work and don’t know if it will be successful, or even well-received.  The middle is a frightening place where you need big girl (or boy) panties and a whole lot of grit.

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You’ll be tested and tested again.  You’ll forget your initial excitement and can’t even fathom completing the work.  You’ll be caught in the riptide.  As Maya Angelou says:  “It is difficult to wave to people on the shore when one is drowning.” 

If you’re smack in the middle of something difficult right now, know that you are not alone.  And the tunnel really does end.  You will come out, though maybe not as soon as you’d like.  Hanging in there is an act of faith and courage.  If that’s where you are, it’s worth celebrating, because the treacherous middle is not for the faint of heart.  Stephen King says it best:  “Talent is a wonderful thing, but it won’t carry a quitter.”

Do you have your own methods of navigating the middle?  Or a mantra that keeps you motivated?  I’d love to hear from you.  Please feel free to leave a comment or send me an email.  And thank you for reading!

Marianne M. Smith
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time

http://writerattheranch.com
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com

Letting Things Happen Versus Making Things Happen

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Perhaps it’s a midlife issue, but there is a philosophical quandary that keeps looming large in my life:  Do I make things happen or let things happen?  I’m not talking about being a passive victim, but of being open to accepting the way things shake out.

I do understand that sometimes you need to set things in play to make them happen.  But then if they don’t happen, should you be assertive or even aggressive about forcing things to happen just like you’d like?  Or should you just let go and get out of the way and see what happens next?

As a person of faith, I like to think that things will work out in the end.  But sometimes I still try to force things.  There is so much emphasis these days on staying motivated, charging forward, and all the stuff that goes along with chasing goals and making things happen in a difficult economy.

I’m trying hard to be more zen-like, but it’s disturbingly confusing.  There is definitely a dance involved; it’s difficult to know when to push and when to rest. Wisdom is elusive.

Photo by Marianne M. Smith

It seems to me that you can be so motivated and driven that you miss some of the best things in life because you didn’t “let” them happen.  The impatient among us (did I mention myself?) don’t seem to know how to hang out in time and space while life moves along as it will.

Are you a "make it happen" or a "let it happen" person?  Or both?  I’d love to hear from you.  Please feel free to leave a comment.  And thanks for reading!

Marianne M. Smith
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time

http://writerattheranch.com
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com

Doing the Work: Chop Wood, Carry Water

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If I were reincarnated, this would be the lesson I’d be working on:  Chop Wood, Carry Water.  I promise I’m not a slacker, but I do have a tendency to dream, plan, and set goals.  Sometimes I get lost in the goal-setting and dreaming and forget to do the work.

Part of my issue is a decided lack of patience.  For most of my life, what I wanted just materialized, and usually pretty quickly.  But that no longer seems to be true.  My new mantra is “Things come to those who wait.”  And I don’t much like waiting.  In fact, I hate waiting so much that I’ve decided it must be my true work.  WAITING.

It seems that everything in my life right now has congealed around this concept.  I want to shake things up, make things happen, and move on with my goals and plans.  But my traveling legs are set in Redi-Mix that has already started hardening.

You’d think that since I’ve gotten a bit older, I would be better at being patient.  But the opposite is true; time feels short and I’m rarin’ to go.  Sometimes it doesn’t even matter where, as long as it’s in a forward direction.

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I’m trying hard to be content with what I have, while working for what I want next.  But why does the dance have to feel so awkward?  And must time move so slowly?

Have you figured out how to master this waiting thing in your own life?  I’d love to hear about how you deal with it.  Please feel free to leave a comment.  And, as always, thanks for reading my posts!

Marianne M. Smith
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time

http://writerattheranch.com
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com

Aging and The Looking Glass

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You can fight it or you can embrace it, but we’re all getting older.  I haven’t thought of aging much until recently.  The most humbling thing I’ve ever done was purchase a 10X magnification mirror this summer.  Since I haven’t been able to see myself well for at least ten years, it seemed like a prudent thing to do.  Wow, talk about an eye opener (pun intended)!  There are road maps where my skin used to be!

My knees have been creaking for awhile, and typical farm wrecks take a lot longer to recover from.  Neither my husband nor I can hear well, and there are at least five different strengths of readers on my desk right now.  I keep pondering whether I should continue dyeing my hair to retain its natural color.  And while I used to ignore sagging and shifting, it's getting a bit harder to do that.

There are days that all this gets me down, but I’m luckier than most;  I have no tragic health issues, a younger husband (but not too young), a little bit of hard-won wisdom, and the energy to do 80% of what I’d like to do.  But we’re planning one more move, and a house on one level with few steps and maybe even wheelchair access has started to sound like a good option.  The move before this last one we had a three story home, and neither of us wanted to hike up the stairs if we didn’t have to.

I’ve gotten a prescription for multi-strength glasses, and we’ve decided not to tackle hearing aids for now.  Our relationship is much more interesting (and probably stronger) because we can’t understand each other at least half the time.  We've quit worrying about why we walked into the room in the first place, and we just see how much we can do while we're in there without bending down.

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Of course, plastic surgery and knee replacements are readily available.  And there are some memory enhancing supplements.  But I’m still considering how much to fight aging and how much to embrace it.  With my double nickel birthday running up the walk to meet me, I still have (hopefully) a little time left, but I have increased the font on my BUCKET LIST and now review it more often.  Time waits for no cowgirl, as they say.

What’s your take on aging?  Do you celebrate it?  Curse it? Or take the middle ground?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.  And thanks for reading!

Marianne M. Smith
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time
http://writerattheranch.com
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com

Wile E. Coyote: Poster Child for Perseverance

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My week started off pretty much like a train wreck, and I seem to have stayed derailed.

I’ve had the kind of week that causes me to lose inspiration, hope, and the ability to dream.  In fact, I’ve had a number of those weeks in a row.

Yesterday I kind of hit the wall.  My husband encouraged me to keep trying, Wile E. Coyote style.  Wile E. never quits.

In case you’re much younger than me, Wile E. Coyote is a cartoon character created by Chuck Jones.  Wile E. is always coming up with schemes to outwit his opponents—usually The Road Runner or Bugs Bunny.  Jones originally designed the cartoon as a parody, but it became popular and took on a life of its own.

Wile E. calls himself “Super Genius,” even when his plans and contraptions fail.  He is my husband’s hero, and I am starting to like him a lot myself.  When farm projects go awry, we will often joke: “What would Wile E. do?”

Since I’d lost most of my sense of humor this week after experiencing a number of disappointments and downright failures, I walked the donkey pastures, which usually cheers me up.  No dice.  This was some serious “down on my luck” karma.  My perceived bad luck was interfering with my dreams, and my dreams keep me moving forward.

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But later on I was in the backyard with our three dogs, watching a chase scene that actually made me smile.  I thought of Wile E. and how he would go back to the drawing board all the while declaring himself to be "Super Genius!"  Kind of ironic that I'm finding comic inspiration and relief in this decidedly dark week.

These days we find encouragement where we can.  When you find yourself completely frustrated and ready to give up, try watching a few of Wile E. Coyote's cartoons on YouTube, and maybe soon you'll be back in "Super Genius" mode again.  Hey, it worked for me!

Do you have your own way of regaining inspiration after getting off track?  I’d love to hear about it.  Please feel free to leave a comment.  And thanks for reading!

Marianne M. Smith
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time
http://writerattheranch.com 
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com

The Promise of Spring

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Yesterday, for the first time in what seems to be an exceptionally long winter, I allowed myself to think about the promise of spring.

Maybe it’s because the days have begun to get just a tad longer, but I’m finally able to think about spring without adding an eye roll and a “You wish!”

My logical mind knows it’s still a long way off, but my emotional side loves being on the downhill curve.  Until now, I have not allowed myself to luxuriate in the warmth of seed catalogs and greenhouse plans; it would have been too cruel a fate.

But yesterday all that changed.  I’m not sure if there is a distinct reason it happened yesterday, but I'm so grateful.  I am not a child of winter, and it truly wears on my soul.

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Now I’m finally looking forward to watching for the first spring flowers that will pop up in our yard:  the crocuses, the daffodils, and the tulips.  It will still be a few weeks here before I spot most of the earliest flowers; but I can wrap my head around that.  In fact, I can use that time to get my plans for our 2013 garden on paper.

We added several large containers last year and I’m pondering what to plant in them for maximum impact.

I’m looking forward to the work of removing a heavy layer of mulch to see how much the soil has improved over the winter.  Hand-tilling also gives me a chance to inspect the soil up close and personal.

I can almost see myself planting new seeds, reinstalling rain barrels, and waiting expectantly for new growth and sustenance.

My dream greenhouse/Pinterest/via the Imperfect Gardener

The problem with winter is that I am a gardener at heart, and so far I’ve had to shut that passion down when the cold winds start to blow.  But once we make our final move, the dream greenhouse is going in, and I’m hopeful that my gardening self will have year-round work!

What are you thinking of planting in your garden this spring?  I’d love to hear about your plans.  Please feel free to leave a comment.  And, as always, thank you for reading my posts!

Marianne M. Smith
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time

http://writerattheranch.com
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com

Frozen in Time

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Last night I learned (on Facebook, of course) that my high school is closing in May.  First there was shock, and then sadness.  Logically, it has been 37 years since I graduated, and things change.  I know that.  But in my heart my high school was just as I left it 37 years ago.

I’ve experienced this same phenomenon with old friends.  I expect them to be just the same as they were the last time I saw them, even if that was 37 years ago!  Of course, we have both experienced lots of things since then, and neither one of us is the same (nor would we want to be).  But in my mind somehow my friends are frozen in time, right where we last left off.  I’ve never run across a psychological term for this, though there may be one.  “Mind warp” might be an apt way to describe it.

Spinning these ideas around in my head, I know we have to embrace change.  But what, exactly, do we do with nostalgia?  (I’ve written about nostalgia before, and if you missed it, read about it here later.)

Perhaps since I’ve moved across the state and don’t get to visit my home in Memphis often, this mind warping is a natural tendency—an attempt to hold on to fond memories.  Sometimes I wonder if it is a function of getting older, as I don’t remember having these feelings when I was younger.  But I really don’t want to be that aunt who squeezes both your cheeks and squeals about how much you’ve grown when you’re already thirty-five!

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It feels arrogant to assume that people and places only change when you’re with them, you know?  But this feeling persists, in spite of all my logic and reasoning.

Is this something you can relate to?  Have you found a helpful way to deal with it?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Marianne M. Smith
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time

http://writerattheranch.com
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com

Ten Cures for Mid-Winter Depression

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I’m usually upbeat, but two weeks of solid rain, nasty wind, and no sunshine has left me with a bad case of the mid-winter blues.  Thought I’d share my list of depression cures with you, in case you’re suffering from the same fate:

1.  Dance!  I don’t care if you move like Elaine from Seinfeld; just turn on some music and dance  around your den for twenty minutes.  You may feel like an idiot, but you will become a joyful idiot!  I guarantee it.

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2.  Light fires.  I’m not talking about burning down the neighborhood, just a good old-fashioned wood fire in the fireplace, or even a bonfire, if the circumstances are right.  Fire brings primal warmth on multiple levels.  

3.  Time travel.  While a good “Back to the Future” movie or Twilight Zone episode couldn’t hurt, what I’m thinking about here is any activity that makes you forget time temporarily.  You could read a great book, cook a new and exciting meal, or take up drawing or painting.  (These are all things that get put on the back burner at our house once good weather hits.)  

4.  Take up the harmonica, or another instrument that makes you happy.  This is also good for using that OTHER side of your brain, which makes you smarter.  So now you’re happier AND smarter.  How are we doing?

5.  Eat chocolate.  Studies back me up here, too, and you’ll just have to trust me. 

6.  Switch your light bulbs to natural spectrum light.  Immediate mood booster!  

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7.  If you able, plan a trip to a warmer—think tropical—climate.  If not, consider throwing a tropical themed party.  If you’re also suffering from economic depression and can’t throw a party, try drinking box wine while wearing summer clothes and looking at tropical images online.  

8.   Plan your spring garden on paper.  Or draw plans for your ideal future swimming pool.  Shop catalogs or online for that chaise lounge or hammock that you’ve always intended to buy.  And again, if you have no money, visualize things getting better in the near future and picture yourself lounging in warm sunshine.

9.  Seek out companionship.  And if that includes lewd thoughts, they might make you warmer!  


10.  Remember that spring always follows winter, or at least it has so far.  And depression usually lasts three days before shifting somewhat.  So know that this mid-winter depression is temporary, and not unrelenting.

Do you have novel ways of beating mid-winter depression?  Please feel free to share a comment.  And if you're enjoying what I've written, please consider subscribing.  It's free and easy and my posts can go right into your email inbox.  Thanks for reading!



Marianne M. Smith
Writer At The Ranch
Making You Look Brilliant One Word At A Time
http://writerattheranch.com
wordsmith@writerattheranch.com